So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
