my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
