Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
