i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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