smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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