I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
