Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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