Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
