i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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