the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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