What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
