Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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