you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
