I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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