trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
