if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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