you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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