I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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