the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
