I wish life had little blips of pornography
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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