So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
