Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
