You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
