I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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