I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
