I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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