I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
