Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
