His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hippo gnu deer
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
