I think im going to throw up on grandma
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
