he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
