Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize