my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
