i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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