John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
