literally had 100 drinks last night.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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