Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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