Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
