It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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