Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
