and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
