Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
