i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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