Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize