I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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