Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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