I think I won the penis lottery.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
