Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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