I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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