I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
