Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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