Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How's work?
Spinning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
