I puked a lego.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
