Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
