i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
