dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
