When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize