Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
