Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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