you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
