grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
