one two three fourrrrnication!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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