I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Found the puke drawer
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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