The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think my moral compass just broke
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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