Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
