you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
