I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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