I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize