Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
foreskin is a definite game changer
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
