He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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