I must be too annoying 4 u.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
