More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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