Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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