a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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