drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
