I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
