So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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