I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
